Everything I have ever felt for the Captain has been shattered into a million pieces, and ripped from my very soul. There is nothing more to feel. I didn't know a heart could break more than once for a single person...
But all this heartbreak is by the by. I will recover. I am currently more furious with him than upset; a confession of love shouldn't lead to a rejection of existence. What hurts the most is that he knows my current circumstances and he has still so coldly abandoned me... Again.
My darling Nana passed away at the beginning of the week. An illness has plagued her life for the past few months and it finally became too much. We all managed to say our goodbyes, and in the last few days we were truly waiting with bated breath, hoping and praying she would no longer be in any pain.
At least now she is at rest, and I know she is going to keep an eye on me, and guide me through this maze of life. So far I think I am thoroughly confused, and banging my head against a wall! But as I train to be a Governess, I know my Nana would be proud of me, and I want to do this not only for myself, but for her. I want to honour her memory, and let the world know how much I loved her, how much I still love her.
Saying that final goodbye is the hardest word in the world.
D. S.
Dearest Duchess,
ReplyDeleteMy heartfelt condolences on the loss of your Nana. I understand the closeness between the two of you for it is the same between my grandmother and me.
As for the Captain, to hell with! He wasn't good enough for you anyway. If he was he would have loved through your adventures.
Always your friend,
Misha
Dear Duchess, somehow I must've missed this post. I liked your statement: "I didn't know a heart could break more than once for a single person..." Oh my my my, yes it can. And for such a variety of reasons. I am so sorry Duchess for the loss of your Nana. You are right though, she is at peace now, and out of all pain. Your mention of the beloved Captain is in a much different tone here, than in later posts. Did you make yourself vulnerable to him, tell him how you felt, and he now ignores you and doesn't return such feelings? If this is the case, do not wait for him, for he has shown you his true colors; and no amount of waiting, or love for him on your part, will change how he feels. It sounds like he made his impression known. And in later posts, you declare that he wants your "friendship", is "not IN-love with you", but does "love" you. He is full of mixed-signals. I don't think I would want a man who had to change his mind later and say "oh yes, what I meant to say was that I am now IN-love with you". Love is love, and very strong and recognizable. There's nothing for it to talk itself into. Its there or its not. I wouldn't wait on someone who had "to decide" if he loved me or not. To hell with him! Love doesn't have to stand around and debate with itself. If you want to share friendship with him, as you said in a later post, I would. But even though my heart would break, I would tell him goodbye in my mind. I'm sorry Duchess, but he should not treat you in such a second-handed way. ((Hugs))
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry Duchess, but for some reason the system doesn't like my @gmail address, so I had to post under anonymous again. That was from @bayviewgirl though. :o)
ReplyDelete